Fuckin' Perfect
by Roswell Dream Girl
Summary: And he fuckin' didn't deserve it but one day he would. One day he would make it up to her. Someday she would know without a doubt that he loved her.   And soon, maybe he could believe the same.


**A/N: Based off Pink's Fuckin' Perfect. **

**Everything in the show happened – Hyde/Sam, Fez/Jackie – its 1982. Oh and Hyde actually did get married. No sham marriage. **

**Just a short one-shot. **

**It's very vague in parts but hopefully gets the point across. **

**Good or bad, tell me...**

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><p><em>Made a wrong turn once or twice<br>Dug my way out, blood and fire  
>Bad decisions, that's alright<br>Welcome to my silly life_

_Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood_  
><em>Miss 'No way, it's all good'<em>  
><em>It didn't slow me down.<em>  
><em>Mistaken, always second guessing<em>  
><em>Underestimated, look I'm still around<em>

He heard it from Bud.

She was back in town, had been for a year. A whole year. 365 days and not one word from her.

He shouldn't have been surprised.

Edna never could stand him, had abandoned him long before she left Point Place.

And yet, today, this very moment it bothered him.

He was a grown man, had his own record store, his own place, friends…that he would do anything for.

He survived high school without her.

Ruined the only thing he ever loved with no help from her.

Gotten a divorced.

Turned 22 by himself.

He didn't need her; had stopped needing her years ago and yet…it was hard to breath…his chest felt like it was being torn in two…and worst his eyes stung.

Why didn't she love him? Why had she never loved him?

He tried to be good.

He tried to be smart, to stay out trouble, but none of it had mattered. Edna never loved her son and Steven knew it.

And every of his friends knew it as well, not that any of them would hold it against him.

Truthfully no one knew what to say.

Bud tried to shake it off, made excuses for her but he knew.

Just like Steven did. Edna didn't care.

So he played it cool, went completely Zen…but dammit, Jackie saw.

She always saw.

He hated it when they were together. He hated it now.

Emotions were for people like Forman, not him.

He didn't know how to deal. He never did.

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
>Like you're less than fucking perfect<br>Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
>Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me<em>

_You're so mean when you talk_  
><em>About yourself. You were wrong.<em>  
><em>Change the voices in your head<em>  
><em>Make them like you instead.<em>

So he came here.

The basement.

This was the only home he ever known.

He felt safe.

Loved.

Worthy.

Things Edna always told him he wasn't.

"_You're nothing."_

"_How could anyone ever love a piece of trash like you?" _

"_You'll never amount to anything." _

"_I hate you."_

Oh God.

He was going to be sick. He felt the bile in the back of his throat.

He pulled himself up off the floor, just barely making it to the bathroom in time.

The vomit forced its way out and the tears as well.

He cried for the little boy who used to be.

He cried for the man who never learned to trust completely.

He cried for the life he could have had.

Each heave, each tear was a little piece of his old life he was throwing away.

The nausea passed eventually but the tears kept coming.

He tried to stop them but it was a useless battle. Mrs. Forman always said one day he wouldn't be able to outrun them. He just figured she meant something else.

Mrs. Forman loved him.

She wasn't his mother but she was the closest thing he had to one. She took him in when he had no one…she tried to show him what love could be like, Jackie too…but he pushed it away.

Too afraid…he was always afraid. Always second guessing them…Jackie, Mrs. Forman…his emotions.

Edna didn't do feelings in her household…they were not allowed. So he buried them, pushed so far down…he didn't know if he even had them anymore.

Then Jackie happened.

And he knew he did.

They were real.

Happiness.

Love.

But then he fucked that up…Edna would be proud.

The dry heaves came then.

Torn through his body like on a mission, giving him no warning.

He didn't notice at first.

The soft touch.

The gentle stroke on his back, her fingers like feathers.

But then she spoke. "Steven…"

He didn't have to look to know who it was. She was always there. Even when he didn't deserve it.

He knew he must look pathetic, on his knees, back to the door. His body still shaking.

But she couldn't see him like this.

Man didn't cry.

"Please…" he chokes out. "Leave."

"No," she whispers.

She wasn't leaving him like this. She wasn't going to abandon him too.

"Jackie…please," he begs her.

His hands angrily brush at the tears he can't seem to control.

He's so broken.

So _heartbroken._

She stands firm, "No Steven, I'm not leaving you."

But she did. Everyone always did.

"God dammit I don't want you to see me like this," he yells, his head still in the toilet.

She doesn't care. She wanted to be here. And whether he admitted it or not, he needed her here.

"I'm sorry…" her voice breaks.

Jackie never did anything he asked her too.

He pushes himself off his knees and crawls to the sink, lending against it…he wipes his hand over his mouth and tries to look anywhere but at her.

_So complicated,  
>Look happy, You'll make it!<br>Filled with so much hatred  
>Such a tired game<br>It's enough, I've done all I could think of  
>Chased down all my demons<br>I've seen you do the same  
>(ohh ohhhhhhh)<em>

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel_  
><em>Like you're less than fucking perfect<em>  
><em>Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel<em>  
><em>Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me<em>

"This is private," he tells her. "I don't need an audience."

She shakes her head no. "Let me help you Steven."

Why? He wasn't worth it. Not after all the hurt he caused her. He didn't deserve her help or her concern.

"Because I love you Steven," he didn't have to ask, she just knew.

He looks to her now. Eyes to eyes. His face crumbles because it was exactly what he hoped to hear but knew he didn't deserve.

"Oh God…" he's sobbing now, his face buried in his hands.

She's on the floor and has him in her arms before he can take his next breath.

"Why doesn't she love me Jackie?" he cries.

Jackie wants to answer him. Give him a response that will make everything better but there isn't one.

"My own mother hates me."

It was true. Edna had always hated her son. "Sshh…"

Steven clings to Jackie. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't alone.

"She didn't even try to contact me…she's been here a whole year and nothing."

Her eyes flutter close and her voice trembles, "I know baby." She's shedding her own tears now.

"What did I do wrong?" he asks. "I just wanted her to love me."

"Steven…" she whimpers.

"Maybe she was right. I'm nothing but trash."

She's mad now.

Because to her, he is perfect.

She lifts his face up, forces him to look at her. "You listen to me Steven Hyde. You are not trash."

He starts to deny it but Jackie stops him.

"Edna is messed up and she did her best to fill you with hatred and mistrust but you didn't give in. You learned to love and trust. You have a family…your have parents. Red and Kitty love you like their own son and…"

She smiles through her tears.

"No one has ever loved me the way you did. No one has ever made me feel as beautiful as I did when you touched me. No one."

He wants to believe her…but he's done and said too much.

_Have a good trip. _

_Sam. _

_The burns. _

"Jackie…"

"It's the truth Steven," she breaks in.

He rubs his hand over his eyes. "But how…"

She just shrugs. "When you love someone….you love all of them, the good and the bad…I knew what I was getting into all those years ago."

She made it sound so easy.

"And Fez?" he asks.

She sighs, "I love him Steven, I do. He's good to me, he's my best friend…but he isn't you."

"I'm sorry Jackie."

He never said it before now but knows he has wanted to say it for a long time.

She nods and smiles, "I know."

He knows sorry isn't going to fix everything that he has broken but it's a good place to start.

"And thanks for always being here," he tells her.

"You needed me," she replies without hesitation.

To her those 3 words explained it.

She didn't even consider that he had been an ass to her for almost 3 years…it didn't matter that she was dating Fez…he needed her and here she was.

Maybe that was love.

And he fuckin' didn't deserve it but one day he would. One day he would make it up to her. Someday she would know without a doubt that he loved her.

And soon, maybe he could believe the same.

_The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear  
>The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer<br>So cool in line and we try, try, try but we try too hard  
>And it's a waste of my time.<br>Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere  
>They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair<br>Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time  
>Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?<br>_

"Do," he says.

"What?" she looks at him, confused.

"No one has ever loved you like I do," he says. "I don't know a lot about love Jackie but I do know that I love you…and one day I'm going to be worthy of your love again."

She doesn't say anything at first because he still didn't get it.

"You don't get it Steven," she laughs weakly. "You have a houseful of people who love you...if you would just let us."

She pauses.

"But you have to love yourself first…if you could only see the way I see you…you're perfect. Perfect just the way you are."

Some things should be kept to yourself, considering she had a boyfriend but he needed to hear it.

And she didn't regret it.

Even if Steven was looking at her in awe…she knew he didn't understand but maybe someday he would.

Love wasn't a choice, it wasn't an action…it just was.

You didn't get to pick who you loved or why, you just simply did…unconditionally.

And that was how she loved him.

No rhythm or reason to it.

No exclamation required.

She just did.

"One day Jackie…" he promises her.

It wouldn't be tomorrow or even the day after but some day…some day he would have it all figured it out. Some day they would be together again and it would be forever.

"Ok," she whispers.

If Steven believed it then so could she.

_Pretty, pretty, pretty_

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel_  
><em>Like you're less than fucking perfect<em>  
><em>Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel<em>  
><em>Like you're nothing than you're fucking perfect to me<em>  
><em>(you're perfect, you're perfect)<em>  
><em>Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel<em>  
><em>Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.<em>

Someday.

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><p><strong><em>The End. <em>**


End file.
